Bus station Dharma (unfinished)

Its strange you know how true that trite old saying is the more things change the more they stay the same, which is how she found herself sitting on her long board in Victoria bus station, jacked up on cheap travel coffee and trying to focus on the pages of the zine omnibus she was reading which was becoming increasingly harder and harder to do as the tiredness and caffeine argued for control, her mind drifting ,wondering to itself how much of her life had been spent in these places doing just this watching the world happen, occasionally thinking about if shed ever be a part of it, she’d got over that feeling years ago and quite happily embarked on living between the lines, but it still made her smile sitting there, hell even the book was one she had first read after stealing a copy from the tower records in Brighton back when shed considered it to be a big town.

That says it all really the fact that shed once considered Brighton to be a big town compared to where shed grown up it was, hell she was from one of those “quaint” little English country villages that you don’t even bother naming to people and as shed gone further into the world she’d stopped even using the name of the nearest “town” and just started saying near Brighton, that’s one of the things that always amazed her about the English how few of them know their way around the country they live in, but then not everyone has the kind of restlessness that means your always staring at the sky and trying to reach out for the stars

Even that’s got worn down over the years and she no longer feels the urge to hammer herself out of the world some people call it being comfortable in your skin, a saying which had always jarred her before but now yeah there’s some truth to it she does feel like it kinda fits her better is more who she feels herself to be there was a time though when she worried that shed lose her love for life that her inquisitiveness and curiousness would be beaten out of her but somehow that hadn’t happened and it certainly wasn’t something that she was going to dwell on. so she pulled her mind back to where she was. One thing that hadn’t changed was the fact that she still found these places magical, you know if you just slow everything down and look you can see the whole world contained in these places train stations bus stations even airports, theY’re like a window into whatever is going on out there in life at large, just about every thing people do gets played out in these places at some point and that’s always been one of the things she’s loved about being in them, being plugged into everything without having to give anything massively personal being able to interact without having to freak about the social codes .sheesh that’s what tiredness does starts you thinking about stuff.

She leans back and pulls her hood up, rooting around in the contents of the messenger bag for her water bottle and something to eat finding a half eaten flap jack and chilli peanuts, another 3 hours to wait till the bus leaves, oh well that’s the joys of budget travel, despite the central heating blowers the march weather brings a breeze through the building and she feels the tiny hairs on her legs stand up ,that’s something else about the whole comfortable in your skin thing it no longer feels like she’s disgusting because she hasn’t shaved her legs for awhile,

These little markers feel like milestones and make her smile to her self although she never fails to find it funny that in everything the hardest part was trying to make things as simple as possible,funny? Thats a simplistic way of putting it but probably the most accurate way of describing it for her to be able to keep hold of where she is in herself days,all the work that had gone itno getting here had seemed overwhelming a lot of the time and shed done her best to stay playfull to hold on to what she had felt were the most important parts of herself


~ by xpolx on July 24, 2016.

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